Dwelling in us

Victoria Gaines shares her account of how wrong doing the right things can actually be:

I was never any good at living the Christian life - not really. But, oh, how I tried! I read my bible and a ton of spiritual growth books, listened to good preaching, prayed, memorized scripture, had 'accountability' partners, attended bible studies, sang in the choir, joined intercessory prayer groups, witnessed, gave away bibles, handed out tracts, homeschooled, trained as a lay minister, opened my home to anyone who was hurting, and traveled near and far to Christian conferences, workshops, and spiritual retreats. I was all about living the Christian life. But you know what? None of that made me a better Christian.

While these things seemed key to my spiritual life, having gained a little knowledge, I found myself nit-picking doctrine when I could have been more loving, or trying to set people straight when I could have listened better. Knowledge sure puffs up. Pharisaical attitudes aside, my religious endeavors just didn't satisfy. It was a constant treadmill...do this, do that. Don't do this, don't do that. I heard about grace, but feared the scrutiny of legalistic eyes. In my fervor to live right, I hid my problems. What started with spiritual zeal, ended miserably in exhaustion. Before I knew it, my facade melted, giving way to a resentful woman who had stockpiled a lifetime of pain and rejection.

It wasn't until I fell broken beneath the weight of this inner pain and travailing, that I began to see Jesus.

Vickie shares related thoughts here.