The challenge of loving ourselves
Steph at Just Etchings, reflecting on the work of Parker Palmer, considers solitude, community, and the challenge of loving ourselves. Can you relate to her thoughts here?
In my own journey into solitude and into community, both have undergone transformation in my perspective and in my degree of participation. Solitude, or aloneness, seemed to be a punishment, an isolation where others did not want my company. Community on the other hand was simply a place of being alone when surrounded by others and neither looked like the circle of trust that Palmer speaks of.I can relate. Steph also considers how difficult it can be to really love ourselves:
In the place of hating who I am and keeping walls around my heart I am unable to love, partly because I don't know who I am when I stay in that place. Solitude is the sacred space that invites us to let our soul speak, to be alive, to be authentic, to be heard by our heart and to be heard by the Almighty (as well as the sacred space to listen to the Almighty). How will I be able to let my heart be open to loving others when I cannot love myself? Perhaps Jesus knew how hard it is to truly love ourselves as we and for who we are, yet we deeply crave others to love us. How confusing! I am again seeing the thought of how unbalanced love is when we want others to love us but we are unable to love ourselves. We are not fully present in solitude therefore we are unable to be fully present in community, in relationships. Being fully present anywhere is a journey in itself. How wise of the Almighty to see that we must start so much from the inside so that we can enjoy, participate, be present in the life on the outside, and know true freedom. Loving from within also gives us the grace to find the beauty of others in community, and to accept them as they are. At least that is my quest - as I learn to love myself and be patient with myself, that there will be more grace, patience and love for those around me.Amen. I pray blessings for your quest, Steph.
posted by Milton Stanley at 6:38 AM
10 Comments:
I can really relate to what she says here. I have been told by more than person that I am always the hardest on myself. I think we have to learn to live in the light of the fact that we are no longer under condemnation. Satan doesn't want us to believe it.
I have some trouble with this idea that we must love ourselves before we can learn to love others. I've heard it said many times that the two greatest commandments are really three commands in two: Love God and love your neighbor AND then love yourself. As if "as" is equal to "and" in the sentence, "Love your neighbor as yourself." This is why I have a problem with that idea (maybe I'm too literal). 1 John 4:19 says we love because God first loved us. We are also told how we know what love is in 1 John 3:16 -- Jesus laid down his life for us, and therefore, we should do the same for our brothers. We are told in the gospels that if we want to be disciples of Jesus we must deny ourselves, taking up our cross and following him. I think a lot of our unhappiness comes from focusing on ourselves too much. When we focus on ourselves we naturally start comparing ourselves to others to see how we are doing (if we are doing better, then we feel better about ourselves). I don't think we are supposed to do that. Our standard should be Jesus, whom none of us can match. That makes us all equal in a sense, so then we can get on with our works of appreciation, perhaps??
On love of self-
True love comes from God first. I believe that God loved us first. He predates us. The Word supports this. Secondly, it's my contention that the "world" does not love us. That's scriptural too. Thirdly, I believe if we love others as we love ourselves - we are, in fact, loving ourselves in the Godly way, by taking care of others and their needs, as He does. We are His agents in this respect and a testament to the kind of God He is.
As to solitude -
One has to examine the reason for the need for solitude vs. community. The idea of not feeling wanted is probably what one should feel at times. One must weigh the reason for the solitude as to whether it be self-pity and rejection because of us, or really not being wanted because of the Truth we live. I believe there is a place for both solitude and community. Otherwise how would we have heard the Good News? Certainly not by solitude alone! Jesus did both and serves as the BEST example, as always.
Great subject matter Milton.
Thanks for the spritual pick up, as always! TCC
I know what you mean, Kim. The challenge for many (perhaps most)of us really is learning to live like God loves us.
Anon: You're right that it's all too easy to focus too much on ourselves. Jesus' command to love our neighbor as ourselves takes for granted, I think, that we love ourselves. Yet pretty clearly many of us don't. Our charge, of course, is to keep our eyes on Jesus (Heb. 12:1-4). Taking Jesus to heart will help us love God, ourselves, and our neighbors. Thanks for your thoughtful comments.
TCC: Thanks for your comments and kind words. We do indeed love because God first loved us.
You're right, too about solitude and community, as Jesus showed both by his occasional solitary retreats and his community of disciples and friends.
I know for a fact that it's possible not to love ourselves. As a young Christian, I couldn't understand why I always ended up treating others poorly even though I strove to love my neighbor as myself. Then it hit me that I was doing both--the problem was I didn't love myself. Beginning to learn to love myself was a major turning point in discipleship. As Anon pointd out above, it's too easy to focus on ourselves too much. But sometimes I think we have to for a time in order to allow our hearts to open to God's transforming love.
Boy, did that title grab MY attention!
For someone who has been convicted in his heart, this is a very hard thing. My sins are legion and that is an army that stands squarely in the way of me loving myself.
Here's an issue I've really been struggling with, and there's your post. What a coincidence!
Glad you found it, Robin. I'll be praying that you and I both will do a better job loving ourselves. Peace.
Thank you Milton for the referal to this piece of writing.
It is a subject that brings a lot of wrestling for followers of Jesus, and one that has had some strange teachings.
I appreciate this discussion on your blog.
Anonymous writes about focusing on ourselves. That is different from loving ourselves I believe - focus finds the faults and love accepts who we are and trusts Abba to work out the transformations as we love who He created us to be.
You're welcome, Steph, and thanks for writing such a stirring post.
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